I've been hiding a secret.(Kind of) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I was diagnosed years ago with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It has not been easy. I did not have the language to express my experience to get the help I needed earlier. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In the years leading up to the diagnosis, I had other symptoms that I didn't know were connected until moving back to BC and finding a bunch of updated research on issues that finally fucking described what was up! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ At a young age I was sexually abused. By age five I was picking and eating my skin uncontrollably. Impulse control disorders get you into this feedback loop where the action you take is supposed to calm the anxiety, but instead it causes more and then - you're in a never-ending loop. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ By the time I hit puberty I was still skin picking and eating, as well as obsessed with how about two inches of my low belly looked. Like I mean couldn't leave the house, couldn't get clothes to "feel right", stressed about this part of me, obsessed with looking at it in the mirror, feeling "fat" and depressed about it, especially around leaving the house to be social - always, arguments with partners whenever we have to leave the house - but unable to find the words to say, hey - I'm stuck in a feedback loop here - its not about you, it's about how I'm so self conscious about this part of me that it's SO hard to focus on anything but my body. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The obsessions led to an eating disorder, drug use, medical intervention and no real answers until I hit rock bottom, and was forced to make decisions about who I was, what I wanted my life to be since I couldn't turn back to all of that. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Eleven years out from then, it's 2019 and this Fall I discovered HYPNOSIS. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For the first time in my life, I am no longer picking or eating my skin. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Cue the happy.
The gift this experience has given me is holding space for others to process and come to realizations about their mental health, their lives and all the details that matter to them. Always my inbox is open for info and support. ;) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Xo, Claire